Conan VS Kid VS Vermouth VS Akai
by DiGi Kurosaki
Summary: Bet you didn't see THAT coming. Not your average Pandora fic... then again, not your average fic in general. Crack, crack-pairings, incoherent plot, the usual...


**Detective Conan and Magic Kaito are hereby DISCLAIMED**.

_You know what I _should _be doing? Updating my other stories. But I have an official YEAR of Naruto block that I doubt is ending anytime soon. (Sorry to anyone who reads those)_

_Off to classes next Tuesday, so I decided to type up what was on my mind. Namely, crack-oriented Detective Conan fiction. (Drabble-drabble-drabble-drabble-OOOOOONESHOT-OOOOOONESHOT-drabble-drabble-drabble-drabble-drabble-drabble-FLAME!) And I kinda wish there was a genre titled "WTF?", ya know? This would totally be in it.  
_

_(One last thing. Has anyone else realized that if you write both "Meitantei Konan" and "Majikku Kaito" in romaji that they both end up as "MK"? So it's not DC/MK, it's MK/MK... o___O;; That confuses me a bit...Geez, Aoyama...)_

_**Kinda dedicated to International DCFanficNut 1207 because I accidentally went on a crack spiel while trying to think of ideas for out collab-in-the-making about Akai. She suffered through it. Therefore she receives crack. I'm still confused...and I WROTE it...**  
_

* * *

How it had gotten to this point, no one really knew.

Akai Shuuichi, Chris Vineyard, Kaitou Kid, and Edogawa Conan stood at a stalemate, with the jewel in Akai's control. After receiving the tip-off that Vermouth and Akai were facing off, the other two jumped at the chance to get the Pandora. Well, Kid jumped at the chance to get Pandora, the other merely wanted to catch Vermouth.

"Give up, Chris. You're not getting it back. Your life ends with the next comet passing," Akai snarked. Vermouth scowled, eyeing the bulge in his breast pocket and the small presence on the other side of the rooftop. Her immortality only lasted if she continued to possess the gem. With her ex-lover in possession, she would die very soon.

"Please, Koibito-kun?" she begged sweetly, batting her eyelashes. Kid scoffed at her.

"Please...like that would work on him...How about you just hand it over to me and I'll take _good _care of it..." Though they all knew very well what the thief would do with it once he got a hold of it.

Suddenly, Conan smirked, walking over to the woman and standing next to her.

"What? You can't take it by yourself, thief?" he asked airily. Kid gasped in shock.

"Tantei-kun!? You're with them? How could you? After all they've done..."

"Ha!" he shot. "After all they've done? They've helped me reach my full potential!" Vermouth smirked at Kid and Akai. It was now 1v1v2. Akai sneered.

"I don't care who's in on your side. You'll never defeat me!" He then pulled his shotgun from the holster on his back, aiming it at her. "Back off, Chris! You've betrayed me one too many times and now I'll live another 10,000 years while you perish tonight!"

"Fools!" Conan said, leaping at Vermouth and ripping off her mask to reveal Sharon!

"Ack! Why you..!" Conan dropped the mask, peeling his own face off. It was Haibara who emerged! "Sherry!?" She smirked and walked over to Akai's side.

"Did you really believe I was Conan? You should have known better! You left Shuu for Anokata, so he turned to me!"

"How dare you, Akai!" Vermouth screeched. "How dare you find someone else! And it's _Sherry _of all people!"

"Hypocrite! HYPOCRITE!" Akai yelled back. They continued to argue, Akai giving the jewel to Haibara to hold onto. Kid decided that now was the time to make his move and he idled over to the not-so-little girl.

"So, Hime-sama. I'm seventeen. You're eighteen. Those two are a bajillion years old...How about you marry me instead? I'm quite amazing in bed." She looked up at him thoughtfully before nodding in acceptance.

"Alright." He silently cheered as he picked the girl up in his arms, to the others' surprise, and flew off into the night.

Akai burst into tears. "WHY!??" Both then decided to sit down and talk for their last few minutes before the comet passed overhead and both burst into confetti and pink smoke, Kid cackling in the distance.

**Conan **suddenly sat up, sweating in panic and looking around.

Occhan's snoring? Check.

Sun rising? Check.

No random growing? Check

He sat for a moment, catching his breath. He _really _needed to stop having Organization troubles _and _Kid heists on the same night.

* * *

_No, seriously. It really _wasn't _meant to be funny. _I _don't really think it's that funny, but then again, I like plot. This? This has no plot at all. At least not a logical one..._

**-DiGi**


End file.
